Tips for Talking About the UU World Article

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This week the UU World published an article that was harmful to trans people people in the Unitarian Universalist movement. Many cisgender (non-trans) UUs are wondering how to best understand and support non-binary folks, trans women and men, intersex people, and others most affected by the article when they talk about it with other cis people. Here are some tips.

Key Practices

• Believe trans people

• Listen more than you talk

• Be willing to remain in discomfort

• Have hard conversations, with love

• Value relationships over perfectionism

• Don’t expect every trans person to want to educate you, but honor those who do

• Stay in your heart rather than your head

• Don’t ask a trans person anything you wouldn’t ask a cis person

• Comfort those who are hurting and build awareness with other cis people

• Uplift trans voices

1. Impact matters.

The author and editor of the article had good intentions. Yet the impact was that trans people in our movement have been harmed. That impact needs to be the focus. If your toilet breaks and your neighbor wants to help but isn’t a plumber and, in trying to fix the toilet, floods your apartment and causes massive damage, having other people focus on that person’s good intentions would be awful when everything you own is ruined.

2. You don’t have to personally understand the harm or feel harmed yourself to recognize that harm happened.

Many cis people don’t immediately understand why so many trans people are so hurt by the article. That’s okay. The most important starting place is to, in the words of UU lay leader Barb Seidl, “start with that it’s true,” even if you don’t completely understand it. Also, not all trans people feel the same way about the article. That’s also okay. But those who have been harmed need to be believed.

3. The article contained false and harmful information.

A lot of cis people feel that the article is informative. Unfortunately, the author was not knowledgeable about the subject and thus shared information that was misleading, incorrect, or otherwise problematic. As just a few examples (see trans UU leader CB Beal’s piece for more):

• The title gives the impression that trans people are an afterthought; that lesbian, gay, and bisexual people existed first or are more important; that many trans people aren’t also lesbian, gay, and bisexual in addition to being trans; and that UUism has completed its learning/welcome of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people (and thus can now “move on” to trans people).

• The author presents as an unchallenged fact her belief that hormones and surgery are “central” to who a person is and that it is impossible for her to get to know someone without knowing this extremely private information—even if she already knows a person’s identity is “woman” and the person goes by “she” and “her.”

• The trans history that the author presents is factually inaccurate. As one example, the word transgender did not replace the words transsexual, transvestite, and cross-dresser—it was invented to speak to something different and transsexuals and cross-dressers still exist. As another, the quip that the trans movement has moved from “passing” to “pride” invents a linear progression that simply does not exist and flattens the lived experiences of untold trans people from every age and era.

• The author conflates trans people and intersex people, talking about the incidence of trans people and the incidence of ambiguous genitalia in the same breath, and also mentions nonconsensual surgeries for intersex people multiple times without condemning this violent practice.

• The author communicates that people of color is a preferable term to black or African American, when each of these refers to different overlapping groups of people, and also that differently abled is preferable to disabled, when in fact the vast majority of disabled people and groups despise the former term.

4. Trans people aren’t just being harmed in the act of reading the article, they are being harmed by cis people’s reactions to it.

There are myriad ways trans people are experiencing harm because of the article. As CB Beal eloquently spoke to, the article’s author modeled asking trans people harmful and violent questions, so many cis people now feel emboldened to do the same and are cornering trans people at church to do so (this started immediately last Sunday). Trans UUs of all ages everywhere are now the subject of debate, subjected to cis people’s opinions about the piece, and burdened with the expectation of educating cis people (for free) about their very existence. We are currently in the final weeks of the search process, when all UU congregations seeking a new minister are interviewing candidates; fully 10% of the ministers in the search pool right now are trans. How many congregations will decide they “just aren’t ready” for a trans minister because of the reception of this article?

5. This is not an example of incremental progress.

There was no reason to publish an article that got so much wrong and caused so much pain to trans people. A lot of cis people are saying things like “At least it started a conversation” and “It’s better than nothing.” But in fact, no article at all would have been better than such a harmful article. As people of faith, it is unacceptable to say that the collateral damage to trans people caused by this article was somehow worth it, when that damage was completely avoidable. Furthermore, misinformation lodges deep. If the intention is to meaningfully work toward a world where trans people are fully free and honored, then accurate, respectful information is the bare minimum and is vital for people who are newly learning about trans identities; therefore, the article compromised this progress. 

6. The article centered a cisgender perspective.

“Centering” is a concept that speaks to whose worldview is most affirmed and whose voices are loudest; whose perspective is treated as “normal,” and thus at the center, and whose perspective is treated as “different,” and thus at the margins. In this case, the assumption is that the “default” reader is a cis person who struggles to understand and interact respectfully with trans people, just like the author. This assumption renders trans people invisible or further pushed to the margins. It’s not that cis people can’t ever talk or write about trans people, it’s about how they do so—and whether they are adding to and uplifting a conversation started by trans people or displacing the voices and agency of trans people.

7. The article’s publication was based on an assumption that cis people’s perspectives on trans people are more valuable than trans people’s perspectives on ourselves.

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of trans UU leaders, writers, poets, and prophets who could have written an incredible feature article about trans lives, spiritualities, struggles within UUism, and more. It could have been a conversational piece co-written by a trans person and a loved one, such as the person’s parent, partner, or child. It could have been a series of profiles of trans UUs that showcased the diversity and brilliance among us. There is nothing this article did that couldn’t have been done better by a trans author in a way that did not cause harm to trans people.

8. Kimberly and Chris are neither evil nor are they being expected to be perfect.

Kimberly French (author) and Chris Walton (editor) caused a great deal of harm. But making them villains is a sleight of hand that keeps us from looking at the institutional systems involved and our own human failings and prejudices and the ways we too (depending on our identities and social location) stumble regularly. On the flip side, dismissing the anger and hurt of trans UUs by saying that Kimberly and Chris should be “given a chance” and “shouldn’t be expected to be perfect” is unacceptable. Perfection is neither an expectation nor a helpful goal. The expectation is that they are in relationship with and heed the counsel and expertise of trans UU leaders, in order to avoid causing such harm.

9. This article is not an isolated incident.

The UU World has arguably just as much impact on the direction of the denomination as General Assembly; every registered member of a UU congregation gets a print subscription to this magazine. It is immensely well-respected and often offers forward-thinking and leading-edge pieces that help all of us grow, spiritually. Yet the magazine consistently features articles about marginalized people written by authors who do not have lived experience in the topic they are writing about. In the same issue as this article, there was also an article about autism written by an allistic (not autistic) and non-disabled author and an article reflecting back on the racism of the TJ Ball written by a white author. The six-person staff of the magazine is 100% white. After two years of intentionally grappling with dismantling white supremacy culture within this religion, this shows that the learnings are not being applied at UU World and there isn’t enough institutional will to ensure they are.

10. This article, and the experiences of trans people in UU congregations, are a further example of the workings of white supremacy culture.

It’s tempting to see trans people as yet another community that has been harmed (in addition to people of color, for example) rather than the same people being harmed again and again and again. Trans people are also people of color, disabled people, low-income people, queer people, young people—in fact, all of these identities are more present among trans UUs than the general UU population. For this religion to survive, much less live into its potential and promise, Unitarian Universalists must stop using a “flavor of the month” approach to talking about oppression. Learn and talk about the ways that UUism is failing trans people, how white supremacy culture is at the heart of this failure, and how trans people of color and other multiply marginalized people face many more barriers to inclusion because of intensified oppression.

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 The Transforming Hearts Collective is a collective of four trans and queer faith leaders (Rev. Mykal Slack, Zr. Alex Kapitan, LeLaina Romero, and Teo Drake) that supports congregations in becoming radically welcoming spiritual homes for queer and trans people of all races, classes, abilities, sexualities, and ages.

For those interested in deeper learning and transformation on this topic, we offer a comprehensive online course, "Transgender Inclusion in Congregations," for individuals, congregations, and groups, as well as in-person workshops and guest preaching. Find out more about our offerings.

Prayers for Transgender Justice

In March 2016, the Transforming Hearts Collective partnered with the Religious Institute for a National Weekend of Prayer for Transgender Justice. To kick things off, we wrote a prayer and reached out to some of our fellow trans faith leaders from many spiritual traditions to offer prayers from their traditions. We share them here in love and gratitude.

GENERAL PRAYER

Offered by the Transforming Hearts Collective

Spirit of life and love that resides within and among us, we enter this moment with all that we are, with an open heart, and with a love for justice.

We hold in love and prayer all transgender people, so many of whom live under the weight of violence, fear, and intolerance. We hold in love and prayer all the ways that transgender people have survived and thrived in a hostile world. We hold in love and prayer all who recognize the significance of gender justice for all people.

We who believe in freedom will not rest until it comes. We pray for the dawn of a new day when the very humanity of trans people is no longer called into question or ignored. We pray that physical, emotional, and spiritual violence will come to an end. We pray that a spirit of compassion and care will fill us to overflowing, that we may have the capacity to listen, learn, and grow not only in our awareness but also in our willingness to act. We pray for teachers, spiritual leaders, social workers, lawyers, and all people who heed the call to support trans liberation, trans leadership, and trans visibility. May they ultimately lean into the Light of truth and justice, offering hope to Trans and gender nonconforming youth and adults.

On this day, we commit and recommit to creating a world where people of all genders know peace, love, and justice. We commit and recommit to living lives of compassion and care for all of humanity. We commit and recommit to the healing work of relationship-building that will help every person know, no matter their gender or sexuality, that they are loved and valued.

BUDDHIST/ANCESTRY PRAYER

Offered by Fresh! White, Minister of Love, mindfulness practitioner, student of Buddhist philosophy and spirituality

Dear Ancestor Spirits: Please hear our prayer.

Remind us to breathe deep in each moment, touching our lives from within, as we honor you there.

Remind us to reach back to you who were here long before we began counting time, or needing labels to describe ourselves as human beings.

You goddesses, warriors, and kings; healers, priests, shamans, two-spirit; family and friends; share with us your wisdom, that we may know the power of community, and understand we are already ONE, we need only self-love and compassion so that we can truly let each other in!

Dear Spirit/Creator/Higher Power/Goddess/God/Universe/Mother Earth…You who are calling us forward: Remind us that we are deserving and there is enough! Enough space in this world, in the hearts of this world, and in our communities, for All of Us to be, do, and have All our heart’s “true” desires: To be safe, Loved and happy as our authentic spiritual selves!

Dear Spirits, Collectively: We call on All of you at this time, to come and breathe with and through us, as we walk our paths towards equity and freedom. Remind us that each breath is not just for this moment (the most important one), it’s also for our future! With you, we remember that no matter where we are, when we can be truly present, we can and do create our future.

We give thanks to you Dear Spirits for bringing us this far; for calling forth our authenticity so that we can be free to clear the hurdles in our paths for our own taking, and also for our youth, and seniors, those of us at higher risk of inner and outer harm, the lonely. With your guidance, we can work together to create a more just and equitable; safe, strong and healthy life experience for those within, and beyond the transgender spectrum; for all beings.

In remembrance of our sisters, brothers and others lost to violence in all forms, Please Hear Our Prayers! Ashe! Aho! Amen! Blessed Be!

CHRISTIAN PRAYER

Offered by Rev. Debra J. Hopkins, Black trans woman, minister at Sacred Souls Community Church, Charlotte, NC

Loving Creator, Let the rain come and wash away the ancient grudges, the bitter hatreds held and nurtured over generations. Let the rain wash away the memory of the heart, and neglect. Then Oh God, let the sun come out and fill the sky with beautiful rainbows.

Let the warmth of the Sun heal us wherever we are broken. Let It burn away the fog so that each of us sees each other clearly. So that we can move beyond labels, beyond accents, gender, sexual orientation, or skin color. Let the warmth and brightness of the sun melt our selfishness. So that we can share the joy and sorrow of our neighbors. And let the light of the sun be so strong that we will see all people as our neighbors.

Let the Earth, nourished by rain, bring forth flowers to surround us with your beauty, and let the mountains teach our hearts to reach upward to heaven. Then, Dear God, grant us comfort, give us peace, and allow us strength to enable us to Stand up, Fight for, and be a Voice for Equality. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

JEWISH PRAYER 

Offered by Rabbi Emily Aviva Kapor-Mater, radical transfeminist rabbi, author, and activist, Seattle, WA

אלהינו ואלהי אבותינו ואמותינו, ברך את קהילתינו הטרנס הקדושה, את כל עדת הטרנס, ואת כל העוברים על גבולי החיים. תן לנו חיים ושמחה מאת אוצר ברכותך, ופרוש עלינו סוכת שלומך. יהי בכוחינו לברוא ולהתברא, ליצור ולהתיצר, ולקיים רצונך לאהוב את הבריאות ולרדוף את השלום. למדנו אמת וצדק, כי אתה הוא מגן לכל הדכופים. שלח הצלה וצדקה לכל עדתינו, ויהי חסדך עמנו כאשר היה עם אבותינו ואמותינו. ברוך אתה, האל העושה צדקה ושלום לכל העוברים על גבולי החיים.

Our God and God of our ancestors, we ask your blessing upon our community, the holy assembly of all transgender people, and upon all who cross over the boundaries of life. Grant us life and happiness from your abundance of blessings, and spread over us the shelter of Your peace. Grant us the strength to create and to be created, to form and to be formed, and to fulfill Your will to love all creation and to pursue peace. Teach us truth and justice, for You are a shield for all the oppressed. Send relief and righteousness to all our community, and may Your goodness be with us as it was with our ancestors. Blessed are You, God who makes justice and peace for all who cross over the boundaries of life.

MUSLIM PRAYER

Offered by Qasima Wideman, Queer Black Muslim, Durham, NC

In the name of Allah, the Lover, the Gentle, the Kind, grant us in our souls a temple, a shrine, a mosque, a church, where we may kneel before an altar where no walls and no names exist. Unite our hearts together and guide us out of darkness into freedom and light. Grant us the power of our ancestors who protected one another from oppression, and who helped one another to stand in your light. Anoint us with patience, strengthen our footsteps and grant us victory over those who reject us. Break our kindred in prisons free of their shackles and reunite our families. Cleanse and heal the souls of our fallen trans kindred with water, ice and snow; and expand their entry into your Garden. Open a path for us to freedom that leaves no one behind.

NATIVE TRADITIONALIST PRAYER

Offered by Pastor Lynn Young, Two Spirit of Lakota heritage, Seminarian at Chicago Theological Seminary

Great Mystery, We lift up our prayers in the ancient ways of our people. Lead us to the path of wisdom and understanding; let all of us live together in sacred kinship.

We hold in love and sacredness all transgender people as sacred children of your creation, who all too often live in fear under the weight of violence and close-mindedness. We hold in love and prayer all of the ways in which transgender people have survived and thrived in this world designed by you for peace, but that exists now in hostility. We hold in love and prayer all who have ever felt the crushing weight of oppression, the invisibility of disregard, or the searing pain that results from denials of their very humanity.

We pray for trans people everywhere, your sacred children. Remind them, and remind us all, that when we gaze at our reflection in a still pond or a mirror’s surface a manifestation of your divine spirit gazes back at us. We pray that the energy of the four winds, and the power of our ancestors bring the spirit of wisdom and compassion to leaders, advocates, and trans people.

As we walk the path of sacredness each day, guide our feet to what is good, wise, and right; help us walk in a good way. May we all be agents of wisdom and compassion, offering hope to trans and gender nonconforming youth that is too often hard to come by.

Great Spirit, fill us with light, warm us with your teachings. Help us to walk the soft Earth with clear sight, as loving relatives to all creation. Aho.

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRAYER

Offered by Rev. Theresa I. Soto, non-binary queer Latinx Unitarian Universalist minister

Spirit of Life, In these difficult times, we ask for connection, to You, to ourselves, to one another, and to our greater purpose. We turn toward you, like a swift breeze, able to bring refreshment and life to our hearts that are burdened. We know that you know that transness is life and that You accept us and all the ways that we are, not as part of being human but as a multiplicity of expressions of love.

We call on you for strength, as the way before is long, and we have so far to travel. We travel toward Justice. Keep us focused on that. And to make that journey, we need safety and courage in equal measure. Give us both.

Soften the hearts of those who are causing their own suffering by clutching their transphobia so tightly. Show them the way back to their own humanity.

But above all, we ask for more love, around us, among us, between us. We give thanks and say amen.

Announcing Our First Online Course!

The Transforming Hearts Collective is excited to announce our first online course: "Transgender Inclusion in Congregations," taught by trans faith leaders Rev. Mykal Slack and Zr. Alex Kapitan.

This course asks the question: what does it really take to create faith communities where people of all gender identities can get our spiritual needs met and bring our gifts forward? When it comes to trans communities, "welcome" requires more than an open door or a rainbow flag. This course is for individuals, groups, and congregational teams who are serious about dismantling gender-based oppression and want to explore the personal and collective transformation that we are called to engage in as people of faith. 

Over six sessions, participants deeply explore the intersections of trans identity, spirituality, and faith community, and gain the grounding, context, and skills to transform themselves and their congregation. Each session includes a 45- to 60-minute pre-recorded lecture, reflection questions, and resources that take the conversation deeper. In addition, Mykal and Alex will be holding regular live video chats for all current and past course participants.

The course is for everyone from novices on trans identity to those with decades of life experience. Rather than offering a “trans 101,” this class pushes participants to the next level of congregational welcome, relationship-building, and skills-building. Congregational teams are particularly encouraged to sign up. 

Celebrating Winter Solstice with the Clearing

Fittingly, the Clearing’s first collectively-planned service/ritual was a powerful Winter Solstice ritual and gathering, held at The Vault, a black-owned community event space that showcases the art and culture of Durham and is particularly supportive of local organizing efforts among queer and trans people of color. It was a beautiful and heart-opening moment for the community!

The Clearing’s core team, a group of leaders that grew out of the Clearing’s initial community conversations, planned and held the ritual and gathering on Thursday, December 21. Close to fifty people came together to celebrate the longest night of the year and the power and brilliance of darkness—and, afterwards, a delicious meal.

Folks were invited to bring an object for the altar that represented something sacred to them, something they wanted to honor about the solstice, and/or someone they wanted to bring into the space. We shared reflections and poetry primarily from Black and Brown people. We offered time and space for folks to reflect on what they needed to let go of and put in the earth, as well as what they were invested in holding onto to give them what they needed for the new season. And then we shared a wonderful meal. It was magic, not just because it was a really meaningful moment for folks, but because it helped set the tone for more opportunities to gather in worship together in the future.

The Clearing has evolved into a space that encourages folks to show up, be present, share their struggles, successes, challenges, and desires in a safe, supportive environment. We are cultivating and co-creating loving and sustainable spiritual spaces that are anti-racist, anti-capitalist, queer, womanist, feminist, and de-colonized, offering all the folks coming together to move the Clearing from dream to reality something we didn’t anticipate—a chance to make the impossible possible!

Currently, as we share monthly dinners, co-create spaces for ritual, celebration, and healing, and build an evolving team of visionaries and organizers that will continue to breathe life and love and meaning into this community, we are also building beautiful relationships in the community. The Durham Co-op Market, that provides our monthly meals, the LGBTQ Center of Durham, the Vault, and the Radical Healing Collective are all community gathering spaces where queer/trans POC folks have deep roots. We’re excited to keep building and growing and healing together.

A Revival of Renewal & Resistance

Last month Transforming Hearts Collective co-leader Rev. Mykal Slack joined with other trans spiritual leaders and clergy during the weekend leading up to the International Transgender Day of Remembrance to organize and offer "TRANS-forming Proclamation," an inaugural trans-led, trans-voiced, trans-envisioned revival of renewal and resistance hosted by Peace United Church of Christ in Hickory, North Carolina.

For the first time, trans clergy from across North Carolina came together to offer words of celebration, encouragement, hope, healing, and call to community-building to the whole of our communities of faith—trans people of faith, LGBTQIA people of faith, and allies and accomplices in the hope-filled work for unity, common ground, and healing the breeches for deeper connection in the work ahead. The group put together three evenings of worship that included music, responsive readings, and preaching, followed by community-building and dessert, culminating with words of remembrance, resistance, and hope on Trans Day of Remembrance, Monday November 20th.

It was a powerful moment in our lives as trans clergy and in the lives of trans folks who came from all over the state to be with us. Over the course of the three nights, there were close to sixty people in attendance altogether. It was such a rich and inspiring time that we are planning to move beyond the context of Trans Day of Remembrance and into having two to four town hall meetings in 2018 to engage in some real talk about what we all need to get free in North Carolina and around the country.

The Clearing Grows Through Community Conversations

The Clearing is growing! In the past year, this emerging spiritual community centering the voices, experiences, and liberation of queer and trans people of color and open to all, has been deepening its work in Durham, NC.

Transforming Hearts Collective co-leaders LeLaina Romero and Rev. Mykal Slack, along with a group of close friends and chosen family in Durham, connected around a common vision for spiritual community that none of them had found in the area, but were longing for. We co-created spaces for rest, renewal, and uplift in the midst of HB2 repeal efforts, facilitated honest and pain-filled dialogue in the aftermath of the 2016 presidential election, and held visioning sessions to lay the groundwork for a series of community conversations to help identify leaders and continue to cultivate and curate what this new spiritual adventure can and should be.

The first two community conversations took place this spring—the first at the LGBTQ Resource Center at North Carolina Central University and the second at the LGBTQ Center of Durham—to explore people’s hopes for spiritual community. More than thirty people participated—people of color, queer folks, and trans/non-binary folks, ranging in age from 9 months old to 60+. Our time together was filled with the sounds and feels of babies playing and elders sharing; bread being cut, salads getting dressed, soup heating up; gratitude for the openness and the willingness to share what’s real, what’s hard, and what’s good, among new friends.

We learned that, for folks to show up fully, they wanted a multigenerational, nonjudgmental space to share meals and music, be outdoors together, hear cool sermons, learn from sacred texts, and make art. We also learned that, because of past pain in spiritual spaces, understanding how to show up as an anti-oppressive, multi-faith, multi-vocal space will take time and intention.

We visioned and dreamed together, and made a plan for sharing monthly dinners, finding the joy and release of dance and moving our bodies, embracing the power of ritual, and reclaiming public space out in the world, as well as building an evolving team of visionaries and organizers that will continue to breathe life and love and meaning into this community. And we continue to dream about engaging trans/non-binary communities in altar-building in places where we gather and connecting with local artists and musicians about creating art spaces and dance parties as places for healing. Ashe!